There are several ways to finish the thought, “No matter how good you treat someone,” and they all have truth to them.
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No matter how good you treat someone, you can’t control their actions
Trying to control the actions of others is impossible and a complete waste of your time and effort. Trying to control them will only lead to frustration and disappointment.
A lot of guys who get into relationships feel an innate need to grasp onto controlling the relationship. They have a fear of losing it so the instinct is to cling on harder. This works against the intended outcome. When trying so hard to keep complete control over the situation, the relationship becomes more tense and loses its fun, dynamic nature. You can’t force her to care more about you.
Ultimately, the only person you can fully control is yourself. This is a hard pill to swallow for many guys, especially those who are naturally inclined to be pushy and overbearing. They believe that if they just try harder, their controlling behavior will actually produce the results they want. You have to let the relationship breathe and flourish. Let go of the idea of controlling love.
No matter how good you treat someone, they may betray you
There is no guarantee in friendships or relationships. Even if you put in your best effort, they can still fall apart. Friends can grow apart for various reasons and relationships can die out as well.
Even if a breakup isn’t done maliciously, it can still feel like a betrayal. After all, you’ve put in 100% effort into making the relationship as good as possible. So if she decides to break up it can feel like a slap in the face.
The problem is that you set your expectations unfairly. This can only lead to the feeling of betrayal and anger when your faulty expectations don’t become reality. You can convince yourself that if you treat her good enough, she can only want to stay with you but this doesn’t work out in the real world. She can change her mind and fall out of love for countless reasons. It doesn’t necessarily mean the failed relationship is your fault.
Sometimes even despite your best intentions, a relationship is not meant to last as long as you hoped it would.
No matter how good you treat someone, they are unpredictable
This ties into the earlier points. People will always be unpredictable. No matter how long and how well you know them, there is always going to be some mysterious part of their personality that is unknown to you. And you won’t always understand why they do unpredictable things. They may act completely out of character at times. It would be strange if they didn’t.
Remember that human beings lead complicated lives and much of it is hidden from everyone else. They all have positive and negative thoughts and feelings that can even change day to day. By treating people well, you will still be supportive during their hard times if you don’t realize it.
Why should you bother treating people well then?
If you treat people well because you are hoping for some control or loyalty then you are thinking about it wrong. This is like bartering a friendship or relationship deal. It’s not healthy and not useful. You can’t trade X amount of good treatment in exchange for X amount of someone’s loyalty. See how weird that sounds when you read it?
Instead, you should treat people well and with kindness and respect because it is the right thing to do. You are kind not because you seek a payoff or reward, but because it makes the world a better place.
Have you ever been kind to a stranger? There was no promise of a positive return for you was there? So why should it be different with a friend or girlfriend?
Look at it this way, if you put effort into being kind and years later that person disappears from your life, what have you lost? Was the effort of kindness really a loss? Or did you feel good in the moment while you were being kind?
Friends, relationships, and loved ones will come and go in your life and it can be painful, but it’s part of the natural order of things. You can’t control what someone does with their feelings or actions. If their path only crosses yours for a short time, why not make the path brighter for both of you while it lasts? You can enjoy the good times and help them during the tough times. You may as well try to increase the happiness of everyone because you never know how long they will be in your life.
Remember that treating others with kindness is a representation of your character, not theirs.